Sunday 26th
July 2015
Its 17:19 and I’ve been sat on my bed for two hours looking
at this blank screen. I haven’t written anything meaningful in a couple of
months. Every time I try I just delete what I’ve written, not knowing how to
proceed or even start.
Tired of work, running around for 12 hours straight, my
first full time job as a carer is really taking its toll on me. But I love it.
I’ve learnt so much. But I feel like its stopping me from writing, I start work
at 7pm and finish at 7am and I rarely get a day off, and when I do I am too
tired to do anything other than sleep.
Last night I finished work at 10pm, went to bed at 11pm and
woke up at 10 am. I had a full night’s sleep, went shopping with my brother and
sat in front of my laptop, wanting, willing to write something but for 2 hours
nothing came. I gave up, loaded up Sims and proceeded to waste my day.
To the right of me were two new books I had recently
purchased. One book in particular stood out to me. The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan. I shut my laptop down
and picked up the book, got comfy in my bed and began to read.
I didn’t even get passed the third page before having to
stop, and contemplate my life and my choices, I sat there in my pyjamas crying
my eyes out. How stupid was I being, this young girl who worked her arse off
died three days after graduating from Yale University and I’m sat here moping
about because my job consists of a lot of hard work and long days/nights.
Marina Keegan was just 22 when she died in a car crash of no
fault of her own. She was an inspiring writer and did everything in her power
to improve herself and prove to the world that the art of writing and
literature was not dead.
The way in which this young 22 year old women wrote was
inspiration enough to get me motivated again. But I still felt unsure of what
to write… and then I picked up my birthday present from one of my closest
friend Jenny. She had given me a
personalised notebook, and wrote a beautiful paragraph in there for me. And on
the front a simple little quote that I adore; She believed she could so she did.
If Jenny believed in me then it was time to prove it, time
to prove that I could. I needed to believe in myself, and here I am. It’s now
17:45, after 2 months of being absent I am back. And I do not plan going
anywhere.
I am going to chase my goals. Life is too short not to chase
the things we want and love. So here goes… here’s to my future, the struggles,
heart ache but most importantly achieving my goals. Not dreams because my goals
are real and I will achieve them.
Love yah
IsThataRedHerring
