An open letter to Ashley

I'm not angry. I'm not disappointed. I'm not sad. I'm broken.

When you died apart of me went too.

All those missed opportunities. Those silly little arguments that meant nothing. Those times that I said no to hanging our with you. All gone.

Knowing that in this life time I won't see you again is heart breaking. Everything reminds me of you. I can't go in your room. It still smells of you. Everytime I hear the squeak of your door I hope just a little.

I try so hard Ash to stay positive but sometimes it's just so hard. I can hear you say get a fucking grip. But sometimes it's just to hard.

I took you for granted. We all do it. Everyday. We don't mean to. You don't realise how much you depend on someone, how much you need someone until they are gone.

4 months have past and it's really not got easier. That night is still fresh in my mind. I'm trying Ash, even got myself a counsellor. But you're still not here.

I'm sorry I haven't been to visit you yet. At your grave. But that's not how I want to remember you. Soon I will, I will bring the dogs. They miss you a lot.

Just remember Ash. I love you. Always and forever. Rest easy little brother. Until we meet again.