Fuck it, I'm going to prove myself wrong!

I’m terrified.

I’m terrified of never being truly happy with the way I look. I want to change I do, I try so hard but then something happens or I make up an excuse and I’m back to square one again. I self-sabotage all the time. I know this but yet I keep doing it.

Today I had the day off work, I could have gone for a walk, run or a jog. I could have got my bike out of the shed and gone for a bike ride. Even if it was for half an hour it would have been better than what I actually did. But surprise, surprise I didn’t instead, I got up at noon, ate some cake and proceeded to watch T.V. all afternoon. I did a marathon… of a T.V. series. I’m so lazy and I know that, I really do. I keep trying to lose weight and get healthier but after 3 weeks I get bored, annoyed and angry because I haven’t lost the amount of weight I wanted to. Of course I know that it is a long process but let’s face it, if we could all just press a button to make us look the way we want to we’d all press it. But life is a bitch and that’s not how it works.

I’m scared that if I don’t make the changes now I never will. My weight is already causing problems for me. I was 14 when I was told I have an 80% chance of not having children. I was told then, that if I lost weight that statistic would go down. But did I listen, did I fuck! I carried on the way I was. And my weight has piled on. I’ve tried a lot of things but as soon as small excuse appeared I’d grab it and make it massive. I got ill, I had 3 operations. Now what’s my excuse? I’m tired after work… well Gemma MAN UP!

I need to stop thinking of excuses. I work 4/5 days a week. Always have at least 2 days off work. Work is great, I am more active at work. Running after the kids and eating reasonable meals. But it’s the snacking and picking.

I always have plenty of time to do exercise after or before work but I never do. I either start work at 7am and finish at 3:45pm or start at 3:15pm to 10:30pm… I have plenty of time before or after to do something. I know that if I did 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day I will see a massive difference but once again I can’t be bothered.

But the difference this time is that, I have my family, my friends, a personal trainer and my boyfriend rooting for me. I lack motivation but with each of them supporting me I know I can do it. One step at a time. One pound at a time, with every step I will get there and be healthier. I’ve said it so SOOOO many times that I will change but this time I NEED to do it. I can’t keep slacking. I have a future to prepare for. I have a full time job, a loving partner and the only thing holding me back is my weight! It’s one thing I can control and change so here goes!

I promise… for every pound I lose over the next year I will donate a pound for pound to charity. On the 13^th of November 2016 I will update you all. With weekly updates (every Friday) I will let you know how I go. What I’ve eaten, how I’ve exercised. My highs and lows. Everything.

I hope you can all join me on my journey

Love yah

IsThataRedHerring 

Knowing your limits

We are always told that staying in our comforts zones is not really a good idea, that we should broaden our horizons and get out of our comfort zones. Which I mostly agree with, but we all have our limits and pushing them too far too quickly like I found out is not a good thing.

The past 4 months have seen big changes for me, I finished university, got a full time job, committed to losing weight and started writing a book. These have all impacted me greatly in the past few months. Finishing university was a massive deal, I went from living with my best friends to hardly seeing them, being a 5 minute walk from some of the greatest people I know to being hours away from them.

But recently the biggest change is going from barely working at all to working 80+ hours a week, doing stupidly long night shifts and working 2 weeks in a row without a day off. Safe to say it killed me, resulted in me becoming very ill and ended up getting sent home from work. I did too much too quickly. I was stupid to accept all the shifts I did. The money was good and meant I could put a lot into savings but it was at the cost of my health. I had cut down a lot of food and with working a lot and cycling a lot my body just overloaded, it was a lot of changes in a very short space of time.

But I have learnt from my mistake. I've got 5 days off of work, able to relax a bit, socialise which is nice and just chill a bit. I know now I was doing to much for my body to handle. So now I am signing out, going to enjoy my days off, write a bit more.

Love Yah
IsThataRedHerring

March already! Nearly April!

I know this post is a little late, as it is now March 15th! ALREADY! How is this even possible. It seems like only the other week I was starting Uni and now I have less than 3 months left. Three years of my life has gone so quickly.

I've had such an amazing time so far, third year has made me step my game up an extra notch, not going out as much any more, literally once a month if that. Despite having less lectures, I've found myself working a million times more. The library is becoming a second home, I  dream about my dissertation and my other assignments. But its no longer just the stress of uni work, but what I will be doing after I finish uni. So I now find myself applying for job after job. I have resorted to making a life plan okay well up until July

THE PLAN
March

• Write between 500-1000 words a day, in order to keep up to date and not get bored.
• Along with those words, I will be reading an finding a minimum of three articles each day.

I get to go home for a week in March/April as well so that's great. I am going to take the time to relax a little, but still continue with the writing and finding those articles or books. I am also going to see McBusted on the 29th of March so I am really excited! Also to see my family and friends :D 

April

• I have scheduled a small break down for about mid April, when I realise I have less than a month to complete all my work, and then that is the end of my University career
• But on another note the new Avengers movie comes out :D

May

• Now this is a MASSIVE month for me! And a lot of fellow third year students. First is DEADLINE day, the 5th of May, that is only 51 days away! I cannot believe it
• May 5th-- Time to get drunk with all the Educational Studies lot, we certainly deserve it!
• I am also hoping that I will be going to Dublin for a few days, it is a place I'v always wanted to go and explore. 
• Also, Pitch Perfect 2 comes out :D I adored the first one so I am very excited for the second installment 
• But my favourite event will be by far the SummerBall! Last year was amazing but this year I am sure will be even better. Friends, great music, great company and booze!

June 

• Shortly after SummerBall, I will be going to Poland for a 5 day holiday with a few friends, its a cheap and great holiday and something more to look forward to, and a great way to end m final year.
• Then it means moving out of my house in Plymouth and moving all my stuff back home! How all of my stuff will fit into one car  just don't know. 

July

This leaves the last month of my plan so far, I turn 21 on the 13th, I hope to party and see all my friends. I also hope by this point I have found a relatively good job and learning to drive. Small things ay!?

This was just a rambling post, but I felt the need to share my little plan with the world. I hope you enjoyed and sorry its been so long. 

Love yah 

IsThataRedHerring